Using subordination, coordination, and parallelism, rewrite each in two or fewer sentences, retaining all information, remaining specific, and eliminating improper diction, repetition, and wordiness. Change each as you see fit. (Up to 10 points possible for each – 20 total)
1. The fact is that the bombing of Pearl Harbor happened in 1941. And the bombing was a surprise attack by the Japanese. The Japanese, if you wanna know, used brave but crazy like tactics. Their manner of attack was insane. During the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese, they hit the US where it hurt. They completely and utterly sunk several large battleships. You have to remember that every man was in danger, and many became crippled or ended up six feet under.
2. Mr. Jefferson is a man who hates doing marathons anymore. The reason why is that he is 78 years old. He used to run marathons like every month. This was when he was in his 30s. May I call your attention to the fact that he is almost 80? It is clear that he is too old, beyond the shadow of a doubt. There are many things that can go wrong now. He could break his hip. Heart attacks would be a risk. Also it would be dangerous about dehydrating.
Bonus: Write a sentence of fewer than ten words that includes each a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person personal pronoun. (2 points)